Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Silence to kill



Just say,  whatever y'all shall say
Do whatever  y'all feel like doing
Think the way y'all want to think.

I got nothing to say, prove nor defend
but my silence shall not be broken
only for the sake of saying something

my scars are widely open,
my heart now I can no longer patch
I just have the pain and time to endure

I am accepting my fear of letting go
while taking a chance to lose control
with a book and a cup of coffee to keep


Friday, January 03, 2014

one word to find a meaning

During office annual meeting last week, a colleague introduced an idea of finding a place in solitude to find a word for ourselves to be our purpose in life. He suggested that we find a quite place mount bromo and start praying before a dialog with ourselves. after awhile, you will take "a word" as the reason to live.

Well. I dont have the luxury of having some time alone : I got work to do,  a boss with expectation to manage , promises to my kids to make up, husband to liase with, an 83 years old dad to wait on, 3 maids to supervise, nephews and nieces to entertain, neighbors to pay a visit, brothers to tap on their shoulders, some wacko friends to refrain from suicide.  Not to mention emails to reply, social media community to comment back, bbm and whattsapp to follow. I am just too busy to think about myself.

It's not that I didnt try to escape. I did booked a hotel room, unfortunately the hotel is fully booked for holiday season. Perfect.
Then I thought , well, the only time and place to be left alone for me  is at the computer desk late at nite when all those frenzies stopped. That's when I can access my blog, alone.surprisingly, the word does not come so easily.

I almost gave up on the pursue of the word. Then I overheard a colleague played a song from her i tune so loud that I could hear it even she was using the earplugs. It was Matt Duncan's song : Beacon. So I searched in the internet about the lyrics. Most songs that I like is because I like the lyrics. I dont care much about the beat, but lyrics could just stuck in my mind and the song follows.

Listen up :

Hold your head up, you're a beacon
Don't let them think you've come that far
You were always standing in the spotlight, baby
We know who you are


It's getting cold out on that big lake
And the water's painted blue
Don't let the skyline fool you, baby
You know what to do...