road taken

There were nights that seemed to be the darkest of all. My eyes were widely open, but there was nothing. I did not know what was coming. I had no idea where to go. There was no point of directions. I just thought as long as I still can walk, I will keep on moving. Just keep on moving.

Many who did not seem to understand my pitfall could simply play wise saying, " be patient". Those who probably consider they were born with lucky star sign confidently shout, " Be thankful for what you have got". Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that I doubt in the Omnipotent, but you knew your limit. Enough is enough.

You could never be like me. You would never be in my shoes. There is no way that you understand my feeling. There. I was too angry to myself to argue with them. If this was supposed to be a test, My Almighty, fine. I'll figure it out in my human way.

As always, I had to try different things other would not do. I guess I was born and raised in a way that I had differential factor in my genes. I made a breakthrough. I took a chance.  Not quite surprising, I got it. Not just got something new for the sake of the change itself.

Now that things are getting clearer. To my wonder and worries, it has been way too easy. What's next to come, my dear Supreme Power? Could you go videoconferencing with me and provide with tutorial for my next 5 years life? Any clues at all? Of course, not.

When you gave me all this power, what is it your expectation? That I will not kick people in the ash while I can for the things they did to me when I could not do anything?

When I saw my reflections of being betrayed in other people, then I understand... so this is all about the dark road you took me. I know I passed those road before. Now, that you expect me not to let them feel the way I felt? Is that so? Does it always have to be this way?

the art of making mistakes

I used to kick the trash bin in my former office everytime I had to bear the consequences of someone's irresponsible conduct. I used to stare at people who tried to make excuses of their mistakes or negligence. I wore out of patience and gave up on certain people because I failed them.

My life seemed never be complete without any surprises-- I should have reminded myself. One fine day, I contributed a mixture circumstances full of confusion, chaos and anger. Just on one fine day,  I wear all the guilt and accusation.

I made mistakes. I admit it. I said sorry.

What else can I do ?

The fierce look, frown faces, sms with all exclamation remarks do not take my soul. I could bear all the negative remarks. Guess what trembled me most was the look on my friend's face being bombarded with questions and accusation for which I should have been the one taking all the blame. I wish I could say something to lessen the effect.

She should have never been there.
She did not deserve anything of these.

What can I say?

It is easier to give in to anger when somebody else is making mistakes.

It is easier to curse than to forgive.

It is easier to say sorry than try to forgive, maybe.
Still, I still have to say it.