I used to wonder what I should do to people who gave me funny faces or strange sentences. I thought I've always had a good chance to make people misunderstand me. Perhaps I was born with it.
My first unpleasant experience was when I was in elementary school. I wrote in my diary that I had a crush on boy, and accidentally my friends found my diary among the books I rent. They laughed at me, and told the whole school. There, I was successful being some kind of a virus that the particular boy would not hesitate to avoid.
Second time was my classmate in junior high -this time is a girl. I had no idea why she kept on grumbling on my existence. She yelled at me and gave a cold shoulder. I just did not react to any of her funny remarks. on one fine day, she told me stories that she just missed her best friend --who used to sit on my chair and her dad just split with her mom. then I thought : hm, it is really a tough life she is dealing with. I convened and accepted her. We became good friends since then.
I dont remember my third or fourth. But for the past 8 years I have lived under the same roof with a sister of my husband. Rite. Initially she got married earlier, then my husband and I did two years later. I was ready to conceive a baby as soon as i got married. The case was different : she always said that she would have a baby when her husband is ready -- being responsible and mature, but as we were prepared to make a family, she decided to have a baby. though he never was, never had been.
Some people think it is really fun to have a twin sister, well, but as a matter of fact IT IS NOT to have a twin sister in law. She sees me as a permanent competitor, and for the God's sake i dont know WHY. She said weird things since very beginning but I did not bother to respond or reply. Anyway, why would you even care to note what people say about you (especially bad things)like:
- Hey, now that you are converting to Hindu, you can eat pork freely (me: why would I be interested in consuming that short with curly tail animal?)
- (to her mom after the ceremony for my baby) " You should pray for your daughter, too, not only for your daughter in law" (me: you converted by choice, why would you feel that you should do your initial religion ritual).
- It's difficult to have a too pure son. You can't take him anywhere. So troublesome. (my son was restricted to go outside/ in a crowd)
Then things got really worse. Really really worse. I thought I could just forget-- perhaps if I can not forgive her yet. And she is using my mother in law-- which is her own mother to bombardize my husband. I know she cant handle me, so she is using somebody who can try to push me.
then I think hard, real hard, where would this war take me : NOWHERE. She has 1000 good reasons to be not happy seing me happy. She is just in a place where she can't beat me. And without even trying I will always be the one with the victory.
The harder she tries, the more I am convinced that I did not have to do anything. She just lost her confidence , her special place in the family. And what did I do ? Only one thing : marrying my husband and leaving her no room to compete. Should I feel sad about it? Or angry?
There. I guess somebody at my present office also feels the same since the day I stepped in. She used to be the apple of the clients' eyes --she received good remarks from clients. SUDDENLY I came, and make friends with everybody . Without even trying hard, I am unbeatable. I have too perfect profile : a mother with kids, a husband, and parents, and friends and ideas to share. I give her no room to beat me. Should I blame myself for her to hate me?
I do not live for somebody's expectation. And will not suffer for anybody's unability to seek for happiness. If anyone should be unhappy, it is by their own choice. There is nothing I can do about it or change the way I do things.
If they will carry their sack and become miserable, let them find the spot where they can no longer carry it. At least I have to cherish my own life and give respect to my rights to be happy about myself. What I can do to make people happy is more important than what they can do to make me miserable.
I have witnessed God's power in showing me how some people just do not know they are damaging themselves by spreading their evil seeds. The peace is in you, not in achieving something you want --if only they knew.
