Wednesday, January 25, 2012

the bricks I have to jump over

When you start to think that life does you good, you will get a hard hit right on the head. I guess I have and will go on living with: tough choices. What else can I do?

I thought I was always better off born as a male creature. At least, I guess I have come to an understanding that actually being a female gives me a whole lot more privileges. I can always try to be strong but when I'm really cracked up, they'll take the fact that my emotions play a great deal than my logic. Or, i would present my assertions --even if they do not make sense to some people -- and defend it by certain degree of sixth sense involvement. Or, even worse, blame the hormonal issues as the trigger of rather emotionally-disturbed behaviors. Well, there are plenty others that I can elaborate into a thick book of non sense feminist aspiration.

It's still so funny for me how my reactions towards situations are not always in my list of expectations. I just found out that me, myself remain a mystery to me. Now that I wonder how some people claim they can "study" and "understand" people. I mean, I don't even always understand myself!

August last year was the biggest tornado. I never thought I would be tested for not only patience, endurance, but also determination at the same time. I mean, did not God consider I got an A pass for these before? I thought when I was ready to give everything up, did not God want this to happen? That's why lingered. That's why I sacrificed. That's why I surrendered.

All children fairy tales from where I learned about virtues and how to keep my dreams never mentioned that there would be a dual tendency in a character. In my real life, everybody comes in bad in certain period of time and turns angelic some other time. I hate to start believing that my perceptions towards defined "good" people are dubious.

No one agrees with you all the time. Even if they disagree with you does not necessarily show anything. Arguing your parents does not make you a bad child. I would still appreciate the fact that parents sometimes have more experience, but at the same time those experience might blur the visions of a child, instead of inspiring . Things may look similar and we tend to believe things would be so predictable. The fact is things happen to our kids are different from our experience.

Parents, to me,are the ones who will protect their children. And is it justified how bad parents could react toward a child only because he/she would not take a stand on his opinion concerning daily matters? Was not that c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-on all about? Disagreement = ? Was it worth the fight? Have not we learned from previous history, even God will not let a child be sacrificed for the parents wish --even in search of God.

Brothers with whom we grew together under the same roof, eating the same kind of food, drinking the same kind of water could turn to be total strangers. If they decided to keep you away from their lives, love them still. When they come back to apologize, take them as you wish you never had any dispute. Because they will come back. Because right or wrong, they are your brothers.

Husband is somebody you met in the course of life because you believe you and him are better off than you yourself being alone. Marrying you does not change him to be you. He might try as hard as he can to understand you, but believe me he will still wonder and be surprised to find another side of you that you yourself does not like or want it to be revealed. He is still somebody's son, somebody's brother, somebodys subordinate, somebody's boss who will not in any position take all your advice. He is a free man who understands his responsibilities and wise enough to marry you and continue living together with you. So stop comparing yourself with him and go on living.

Conflict is inevitable. Dont complain too much, just try to deal with it. Have some courage to convince others that you have a good stand point. Even if you don't, speak your self up to see how far you can go with your arguments. If you are proven wrong, admit the defeat, and continue living with a dignity of a human being who can be wrong sometimes and make improvement in order to survive.

Problems, situations, people when they are getting difficult or making your life difficult are not hurdles for your life and should not be an excuse to give up.

" The bricks are there to let us prove how badly we want things, and to separate with those who dont".


Monday, January 23, 2012

me and those symbols

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  It's the way I'd like to remember you.


The moment I found somebody to trust,
when I did not think I would 
The reasons for me to feel what I do
and  never want to lose or regret


Words we have a few, but true...






I take you, to be my friend, my lover, the father of my children and my husband. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.