Wednesday, March 14, 2012

It's just why

Dear God,


Why do some people say I have to go somewhere or do something specific to meet you? Why should they believe that you are only reachable to some groups? Even a radio station can be broadcasted to a very distant listeners, why would a super power like you require a special transmission device or a special receiver? Isn't your existence for the whole universe?

Why would people hurt others, say sorry and do it again? I thought when I tried to forgive them, they would change. They don't till now. Should I forgive myself for not forgiving them?

What does it mean to love? I thought I love them, but why do I hate them for being as they are? Why should I want to be loved in a way that I wanted them to? Why can't I free myself to let them love me as they could? why can't I accept the fact that some people just don't have the loving feeling for me?

I have always wanted to give to the fullest. Forgive me sometimes I am not ready to give because I dont want to expect anything from you. Sometimes I feel the anger to those who are not ready to receive. Why do I feel angry when I thought I was willing to give?

why being human makes me vulnerable?
Why do I still remember the words people said and what they made me feel? why should I care?

it hurts when it hurts, God. When I can't accept it, I always say it. I am just hoping that you see from a human being perspectives. When I need your guidance, please just dont give clues I can't read. When I run to you, please lead me the easiest and fastest way I can get. Please be patient with me.