Life is too short to know you

We met in 2002. I was preparing for my wedding. I saw you as a natural loving mother, offering original smile. Nothing more. You asked genuine questions, showed real interest in every conversation you initiated. I did not make extra attempt to be comfortable in getting acquainted to you.

I never knew it was really that easy to talk about anything to you : UMR, temperature, fashion, kids, cooking, movies. Many times we only had quick lunch and trivia talk and laughed a lot. Many times you did not say anything but listened to me, and put me at ease.


What I have not mastered from you is your ability to laugh at bitter facts of life in order to make your heart lighter.

I know, when we did not meet, you never had doubt our the friendship. I am sorry for not taking enough time to listen to your worries and concerns. I am sorry for not being "there" when you needed a lending hand. I am sorry for not trying to  convince you that your wishes do come true.

So today you left, and I guess God has planned the best for you.

I came to see you though you could not see me. We all prayed for you, may your journey be peaceful as the atmosphere you have always created  when you were still around.

Rest, my friend, rest.





picture taken : here






 

A never ending quest

This year of 2012 will soon come to an end. Like everybody else, there should be some resolutions I need to make. Yes, I need to do it, and I have to. If you ask why, of course for the sake of my own growth. I guess I lost some clear perspectives this year. Relationships and its terms (and conditions) need redefiniton. Voila. R-E-DEFINITION.

 1. Emak and me
 I used to think she's my biggest challenge in life. We argued A LOT. No, corrections : she COMPLAINED a lot. I thought whatever I do, I think and say was always something to prove to her that I am against her. I don't know why. Maybe she pushed me away when I needed her badly. Maybe I was disappointed that she did not show her affection the way I thought other mothers would do to her only daughter. I thought I had always time in the world to make it up to her.

 The bitter fact is those things are all wrong.

 She supports my decisions in her own way. She challenged me so that I can be sure that whatever I chose is really what I WANT. She made me work for it so hard that I have always got what I want. Those things she said to me are actually things that make me strong and confident to be what I have always been. She is my door of opportunity. She challenged me and prayed for me. She even wept her tears when she knew she could not change my decision but she believes that God listens that she just wants be to be OK.

 2. My brothers and me
I thought they consisted only logics. I took it for granted they did not want to talk about feelings. I was wrong. They are human beings with tears, worries, jealousy and of course attention. Nothing broke me worst than watching them fall. How can not I lend a hand when my own sibling was at the bottom point? I learned how to forgive. I never thought it could be that easy. It 's just like cloudy sky clears up as the wind blows. I dont know how to do it, and never learn how, but I can. Th best thing is that I feel so light and easy afterwards.

 3. Sandy and me
 I guess 10 years is only the beginning to show me that life is not going to be easier. I just realized he needs me to be weak sometimes, so that he can be strong. When he needs time to be alone and does his own thinking, I should patiently wait. It was never my ideas that he has objections on, but my tone. And it is not easy at all for me to work on the tone as I have been practicing this kind of tone to be heard most of the time. He listens when I use the right tone.

4. Friends and me
They are still my friends, even I am not in constant repair. They are OK if I dont come to them in despair. And I really appreciate this kind of friendship.

 5. me and me
right. I am still my best friend. I listened to myself more and used my head less.