A pair of twinkling eyes looked at me innocently and wishes for a sanctuation Day. Just a look in her eyes and I can not decide what to feel. I choked on my reply.
" thank you" I said, and I said it to my self "tell your mom, thank you for trying but she is still not welcome to me". Did I say that? Off course, NOT. She is just a 9-year old girl who has nothing to do with me and her mom giving each other cold shoulders.
Go on, judge me that I can not forgive. Maybe they are right. Tell them they are right, so they are happy to file me gulty for "not being able to be good enough person".
I dont hide my feelings well, but I dont shoot people down. I could, but I didnt. Why? a psychologist who overanalyzed me during a job interview even accused me of " the-always-nice-person". I am not. I can kick the trash can when I vent my anger over my boss. I scold people to back off when they are getting in my way or telling non sense.
I know what I can and what I can not accept. It has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not ceasing to feel the pain. I learn to live with it, but it would be too much to just forget it happened.
And what happened? I could write a series of novels about it. You will be amazed how I remember every details. You will probably said the same sentence as my friend said " kalo gue jadi lu, dah mati berdiri kaleeee".
Yes, i died everyday and got up on my own feet. No matter how hard she tried to put me down.
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