At certain point in your life, you will be at the intersection. No clue at all . You wished that God would be a bit kind to send just a tiny sign behind the signboard. My problem is ...no sign board at all. I told myself that I shouldnt be surprised of any extreme weather that hit me. Been there, done that. Flopped here and there. I stumbled and fell and learned to stand up again.
Then I thought I had some dear friends who would listen to my complains and grudges. But then I asked them to back off . Or I let them leave as if they were not meant to be. Guess I've got to much to bear lately and I am just no longer capable of projecting my fear.
It is really not the job that I am not happy about. This job has been like this. It was just that I gave things up. Just no longer find anyone to look up. After all, no body expected anything from anyone right now. For some people it seemed to be a good condition as you could slow yourself down. For me, I hate to admit that it was more like injecting the poisonous substance to your blood, and before you knew it, you are paralyzed.
It is really not about the desire to have your own dwelling place. It's the soul I have lost to live here as an extended family. I am just not really into it anymore. Not that I didnt try.
What if I am wrong? What if it was me who was selfish, stubborn, snob, intolerant, narrow minded?
What if I these are all about me swimming against the flow? What If I was the one lost?
What if I am the one who did not consider others?
What if I only pretended that I didnt need anyone?
what if..............
3 comments:
About the signs,...I believe they are there. Maybe sometimes we are just too tired to see them :)
God is with us, right? And let's not dare to say that God isn't :)
sometimes we can't really know who we are. especially under some circumstances.... ;-)
Sign, sign, sign... let's just make our own signs.
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