I have taken my job too serious, I guess. I thought that one of ways to do it is to do things a little bit more. The goals that I set for my self have made people think I was unrealistic, too ambitious and whatever-the-words-they-have. The problem is I can't take the regular notions of operating the way other have always in mind because I feel those ideas would be a dope which in turns will paralyze me, my brain, and my whole life. Perhaps I am being sadistic to my own creativity for no clear reason.
Living like the tv-series familiy is my laughing stock. The truth is, I am not compatible with the idea of sharing everything. I should say that I always need a clear gap between my personal inventories and social necessities. Grew up as an independent entity who deserves respect for individual space and priorities, I have to struggle now living as a social agent who has to be able to bend for peace. I am not obliged for other's happiness but they demand equlibrium by cheering me how wonderful life could be with me accepting other's minuses.
I have anger, not yet diminish. I have integrity, not yet ruined by beliefs and religious threats. I try so hard not to blow up but God, if You are really there, for me, please do not push me over the line. I would crack someones' hope of having me as his so-called "ideal" (in terms of life, relationship, posession) if you are just standing there watching over me. Aside from hope, what else have I got?
2 comments:
life is like that Ken. finding the right dosage for the right formula of balancing working life is never easy. hope you'll find it soon and be a happy-working Kenny again.... :-)
Ah, di Daff suka gituuuu deeey...
Solusinya cuma satu: Talk to your partner. Again.
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