With all my respect

Dearest Mom(in-law),


I finally decided to write a letter to you, as I would not have the right words nor "appropriate" facial expressions. As I have never been born as one of your offsprings, and I would never be able to aggree with you all the time, allow me to tell the other side of stories.

I have learned to love your only son as a unique person. I guess I have been quite lucky to choose life I have been in , being married to a wonderful personality with high level of tolerance and patience.

With three children that we have, your son and I are struggling to lay the basic values for them. Not only both of us are rookies in children psychology and education, but we also need time to come to the same point of understanding. I grew up in the more challenging environment: having to prove things --on of them is being independent and self-sufficient , while he was nurtured in the contrast of strict paternal role and patient maternal figure. We encountered constant arguments , yet somehow find connections betweeen us, because we promised ourselves that we will parent our children better than our parents .

We are grateful to be allowed to use your house, from the day we got married until our 6th year. This house used to be brighter and more peaceful with two families living in together (Many wonder how we could) . Somehow, lately the idea of sharing does not seem to be able to be the most wanted idea anymore.

Firstly, these two families are no longer compatible. We have different needs, while things or expenses just could not be simply split into two. Equality seems to be harder to define. How could you see home telephone bills when you solely rely on your handphones, and electricity when the other side of the family seems to waste away the use of aircon, or fridge or other electronic devices with bigger voltage? When one family seems to feel the urgency to use certain space of the house without bother asking the need of the other side of the family, while the other side does the same thing seems to be totally unforgavable.

Secondly, allow your son to have his own happiness and his own life. He is not responsible for his sibling's happiness, let alone twin sister. Grown as twins, they have to be made aware that they lead different lives. None of them have to endure longer competition in any sector. Should they have to go through hurdles in life, they are two separate mature individuals who have different strategies. Just let them find their own ways.

Thirdly, allow us to lead our own lives. Please give us some room to move without being compared to other offspring of yours.