in (everybody's) good time

I am one of those who believe that everybody can learn. But please note that my sentence is not yet complete without: in his/her own pace. When you start to question how come some people never learn from mistakes, the answer is that because the pace for each of us varies.

Inspired by the occasion of teaching my eldest son to ride a bike, it took me a year to assure him to put off the two small additional wheels at the back of his bike. He often cried and resisted my idea of putting him on the two wheel bike. I myself almost gave up teaching him and let my husband do it. Surprisingly, one good Sunday morning he confidently said “ ibu,  I want to learn to ride a bicycle”. So with no question and held my breath hoping that he did not change his mind, in rush I went with him to the public park in our neighborhood. He did wobbled a lot, but he did try at his best until he was in sweat to prove that he is ready to take the chance. Within a week now he can ride a bike just like any other boy and he could even free one hand from the steer. That was about a 6.5 year boy to learn to ride a bike in his own good time.

Long time ago I used to think that I was really in love with a guy that I thought would surely die if we broke up. I was not too desperate to give anything up, but I had to admit that my staying at the dorm every weekend to anticipate his visit was actually the most painful slap on my face to find that he never took time for me. I did not demand for fixed schedule for a date nor intended to check his availability. I did not risk myself nosing around other dorms to catch him in the act seeing another girl like what my friends suspected. I was damn too proud of my charm that he would show up in his own good time. It took me some months to weigh whether the relationship really worth taking. It just took me one single call to realize that we were not meant to be together. From that time on, I learned to recollect my self respect.  Next time I knew he just a series of icon in my dreams that faded away. When the time comes, all the wounds were healed.

Some people misjudge my values towards friendship. Well, I do not blame them. I sort of have a shorter list of friends compared to others, in real life or even in whatever on line social network account. I just find the number is not my first priority. They won the privilege to be my friends because they have become what they are, without bothering pretending to be some one too nice, too understanding nor too helpful to be true. I love them when they are around or can not be found. Why? Because I myself am not always available and too helpful to be a real person. They are not required to take my advice and I am not obliged to be whatever person they want be me to be. One thing I am sure, they know that we find our own good time to see each other’s eyes or look after one another in the definition that others might not understand.

Career, just like happiness, is optional. It is something to pursue, but it operates mysteriously within you. Somehow, it will not happen for no reason. You will have to invest in time and relationship to achieve it. You have to give away to any people to be able to get there. Career in family or job, happiness to be around those you love or to be alone without being lonely is free of any terms of conditions. It depends on how you define it and how you work on to get there.

To consider God knows exactly what I need, I believe that what I get is finally what I deserve. I know things will come to be mine in my own good time:  A real good man to marry at the right time, good off springs to deliver at the perfect moment, good career to cherish at the right time, good money to spend and to keep at the right moment, good friends to laugh and cry with in time of need in the right dosage to take up at the same time.

In the absence of light, work, and travel on this very early New Saka Year, I owe a thank you for those who make this world worthwhile to live for me, for those who allow some room for me to be myself, and to let me into their lives to share.  

Most of all, thank you  dear God, for giving me the space and option for personal experience in reaching out for you in a way that I am capable of.