I played tough, sometimes --correction-- many times. Correction :Lately. I have to meet my boss' expectation and I also need to prove that I can bear the consequences of being a member in my division. I just don't want to refuse or avoid assignment. But what?
Some people may wonder what this mother of three sons is doing-- travelling out of town for days , leaving the kids with the nannies while her husband has been crammed in his work and had to spend the nights in the hotel for the sake of bills of tax under the name of Tax Reformation.
Some other people sneered at me and gave a cold shoulder by saying " You do travel a lot, don't you?" . Meaning? They probably wished they were in my shoes. They thought I was after the money. Phew! Had they known.
Today is my third night in Pekanbaru. Tomorrow, early in the morning I 'll be leaving for Duri, a three hour drive from Pekan baru, to see our extension office there. I should take a plenty of rest after three-day observation and presentation. It's just that I'm not too exhausted, but overwhelmed by the idea of feeling alone. Got back to the hotel, find my self alone. Don't feel like taking a shower nor watch TV. Feeling a bit hungry but lose my appetite. As the matter of fact I can indulge myself with the tube or reading or even taking a hot shower without the terror of my sons knocking at the door. But , tell you what, life is just funny without those chaos that I have got used to.
Then I picked up the phone, finding out that the father of my kids is not home yet. It's 8 o'clock, wisnu is not in bed yet. Got a chance to talk to him. Got chocked with is very right question.
" ibu, how come you did not take me along with you?"
...second heart-rendering question ....
" can I come and pick you up? "
...next ones that really stabbed me on my chest....
" How do I get there? bus? train? ojek? plane? Tell me. I wanna be with you tonight, not tomorrow".
Guess what I said. Changing the topic , of course. Otherwise, he would hear or at least sense my loneliness.
Then I hurried the conversation , telling him that he's got to go to bed now. I sms my husband, and got another smart question. " Do you want me to call you at the hotel now?". Oh dear. Who wouldn't? But me, putting my chin up , replying ...."I'm out to get my dinner. brb at the hotel at 9".
I did not go back straight to the hotel . I stopped at the warnet to pour this out. Sniff. I feel better now, I guess. Please don't tell me a mother should just stay at home with kids. Not now, will you?
picture taken from images.amazon.com
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